Why Empathy Is the Leadership Advantage Today
Why People Care So Much About Empathy in Leadership
You already know this one. Empathy isn’t optional anymore.
I love this quote that opens the article: “The highest form of knowledge is empathy.” It’s poetic, yes, but also grounding. Especially for those of us who lead or manage knowledge workers. That quote calls us into something deeper. We’re living in a time of ongoing volatility, where everything feels fragile. And what this quote reminds me is that in times like this, people need connection.
I was also really struck by the data. It reminded me of those studies where “most people say they’re better-than-average drivers.” It’s a joke but also a real human blind spot. The same dynamic shows up in empathy. In the 2024 State of Workplace Empathy report, 55% of CEOs said they lead with empathy. But only 28% of employees and just 22% of HR professionals agreed. That’s a serious disconnect.
Now, you’re probably not a CEO. Most of my readers aren’t. But I still want to invite you into the same kind of reflection. Is it possible that you, too, are overestimating your ability to lead with empathy? Or maybe the real question is: Are you doing it as much as you think you are?
That question resonates so strongly for me because of how I started my own leadership career. When I was first promoted into a management role, people assumed I would be empathetic because I was quiet. But instead the controlling (but benevolent) environment of my youth is what came through naturally as I tried to influence others’ behavior. I failed as a new manager because I didn’t yet have the toolset for positive, empathetic accountability. That failure let not only to a cascade of mistakes but also my longing for this skill.
How to Lead with Empathy Without Losing Accountability
This section isn’t for the folks who already lead with so much empathy that they’ve become the team doormat. If that’s you, I’d suggest that you need more structure, clarity, and support in holding others accountable. (We can talk about that, too, but not here.)
This list is for the leaders who have clarity, who know how to drive outcomes, but who might be missing some of the human signals along the way.
First, zoom in and actually listen.
Set aside everything else running in your mind and give your full attention to what your team member is saying. Don’t jump to solutions. Ask questions with an aim to genuinely understand what’s bugging them.
Try – “What’s weighing on you the most right now?”
Second, check your double standards.
Do you give yourself more grace than you give others? For instance, if you miss a deadline, do you expect understanding from others where, when they miss one, you get rigid? If so, trust is eroding. A better move is to co-create the expectations: “Here’s the deadline. If something comes up, let’s talk about what we’ll each do.” That builds partnership rather than pressure. (And don’t go rushing them to complete something before your deadline. Instead, just try asking “How are you progressing toward Wednesday’s deadline?”)
Co-creating standards also helps when you need team members to step up their game. One of my clients needed something challenging from her team and wanted to soften the ask. I coached her to state the expectation clearly and invite reaction rather than hedging preemptively. This helps you move from “Do you think you could possibly…?” to “We going to need [X] by [Date]. What do you think it would take to meet that?”
Third, ask yourself what’s really going on.
Observe how your people are doing. Are they tired? Distracted? Frustrated? Look beyond the surface. If you’re noticing something, ask. You don’t have to diagnose or fix. Just check in and be present with what’s real.
Try – “You’ve seemed quieter this week. Anything you’d like me to know about how things are going?”
Fourth, manage to the middle.
It’s easy to give all your attention to the most vocal or the ones who are visibly struggling. But the folks in the middle, those steadily carrying the load, need you, too. They may not ask for help. Don’t assume they’re fine. Definitely don’t assume they can take on more just because they’re quiet.
Try – “How can I support this person without overburdening the others?”
Fifth, ask before you solve.
One of the biggest traps I see in leaders is the temptation to jump into solutions too fast. Your familiarity with the issue doesn’t guarantee full understanding of why it’s being brought up now. Ask what they’ve already tried, what they’re thinking about, what roadblocks they’re hitting. You’ll support more effectively and they’ll feel more seen.
Try – “What would make a difference for you here? How can I help you access it?”
Sixth, get curious when someone pushes back.
If a team member questions your approach or shares concern, don’t assume it’s resistance. They’re grappling with something. You don’t have to defend yourself or the company. You just need to listen, ask, and help them understand what they’re bumping into.
Try – “I may have missed something. What’s been your experience with this change?”
And finally. recognize the effort.
One of the most demoralizing things I hear from clients is, “I worked so hard, and no one even noticed.” Don’t just look at outcomes. Let people know what you see them doing. That kind of acknowledgment builds trust, motivation, and resilience, and it costs you… what? A little effort. A little energy.
Try – “I saw how much you put into that launch. Let’s talk about what’s sustainable going forward.”
A 5-Step Process for Empathetic Accountability
- Pause before reacting
Notice your instinct to fix, defend, or rush. Choose to stay present. - Listen for emotion beyond the facts
Ask clarifying questions that draw out the emotional reality behind the words. - Articulate what you notice
Reflect back both their challenge and their courage. - Co-create next steps
Don’t shoulder the whole load. Build accountability through shared ownership. - Check in after the fact
Empathy doesn’t end at the decision. Follow up to show you care and stay curious.
Final Reflection
Jody Michael’s article at Forbes shows what many empathy-driven leaders have already felt, that our workplaces are suffering from too little connection. In a world of accelerating change, we need accountability and empathetic presence to partner. That means raising your awareness. Over time, when leaders show up with genuine care and curiosity, there’s room for their teams to become more resilient, collaborative, and even capable of rising to the challenge.
If you’d like to bring more of this into your leadership, let’s talk.
Author Bio
Amy Kay Watson is a Master Certified Coach (MCC) and a champion for empathy and compassion in performance improvement. She supports leaders in managing accountability with clarity and compassion across sectors from tech to government. Learn more about Amy.